A Fitting Beginning

Hello, this is the first post of my new summer blog. My friend Grace (shout out Grace) suggested I chronicle my summer experiences in Oklahoma City and honestly I pretty much do whatever she says.

I am a native Midwesterner from St. Louis, recent college graduate, and just finished my first year of graduate work in public health. Through numerous tennis related road trips as a youngster and a brief two year stay in Arkansas I've become quite familiar with the Midwest (Missouri, Arkansas, Illinois, Nebraska, Iowa, Kansas, and Oklahoma). However as one grows and, for lack of a better word, evolves I've abandoned my rose colored glasses and begun viewing my home a little differently while also embracing what makes it unique. This summer I'm going to put on my anthropology hat, lace up my cowboy boots, and start really EXPERIENCING the Midwest.

Day 1: The Drive

I started my road trip to Oklahoma City around 9am, no big deal. I packed the day before, just a few essentials like clothes, shoes, tennis rackets, and baseball caps. My mother recently relocated to Oklahoma City so I have a free place to stay for the 6 weeks I'm here working. My car looked something like this: front seat empty, back seat full of two duffels, two garbage bags, and 20 articles of clothing on hangers. Everything was covered with a large green polar tech blanket. Oh yeah...the trunk had two cats in it. Yes, I brought my cats down with me. Now my mother made the move in September with two cats and she experienced no issues; the cats behaved appropriately and she made it to OKC with two animals in fairly good shape. She didn't place the cats in a carrier because she felt the carrier would just "stress out" the animals. Therefore when I loaded up my cats in the trunk (its an open trunk so they have access to the back steat and the rest of the car, I didn't lock my cats in a hot trunk...I'm not that person) I gave them a shoe box full of litter and a bowl of water for the ride. I figured they would scream for 30 minutes and then fall asleep.

Holy crap, everything that could have gone wrong did. The two cats were out of the safe and clutter free trunk within 25 minutes. Cat one settled on the polar tech in the back seat and seemed to fall asleep; cat two felt she belonged in my lap, by my feet, on the dashboard, and for a brief moment she tried to burrow under my shirt. Again, I can handle this. 45 minutes into the 7 hour car ride cat 1 poops on the back seat. Shit...literally. I opened the sun roof to get rid of the smell and both cats went freaking ballistic. They started panting and trying to both sit in my lap...all the while my little car is swerving all over the road and I'm trying not to gag from the rancid smell. Finally I see a rest stop and pull over. The slowing of the car seems to calm the cats and they again settle in the backseat on the blanket. I had some old Arby's napkins in my glove compartment and a jug of water my mom made me bring "in case of emergencies". I cleaned up the poop as best I could, watered the blanket down, and got back on the road.

For those who have never driven through the Midwest there isn't much to see. It's mostly fields of corn or soy beans and for a 30 minute stretch in southern Missouri there are a ton of porn shops and strip clubs (farmers get lonely too I guess). I usually amuse myself by either singing show tunes at the top of my lungs (which strangely seemed to comfort the cats) or by counting the number of times I see advertisements for Meremec Caverns or Branson. Meremec Caverns has the best low budget advertising ever.


Ok so I'm through southern Missouri. Cat one has settled herself on the passenger side where the feet go and cat two is laying on the passenger seat. Suddenly cat 2 sits up, looks at me, and pukes all over the seat. Yes, I've already cleaned up crap and now I've got puke everywhere. Cat puke smells worse than cat crap if you want to know...all I can say is thank God for leather seats. I pull off at a gas station and immediately open the door and gasp for air (I couldn't open windows for fear the cats would flip out again, run through the puke, and track it everywhere). I doused my seat in water and grabbed those gas station paper towel things you can use for your windshield and start trying to wipe up all the puke. This time cat 2 seems to think we've arrived and is trying to escape the vehicle. All of this is made a million times harder with the portly gentleman in overalls behind me yelling "Dem cats you got in yar car der?". Yes, Midwestern gem number 1: the language is different. While in Arkansas you normally read road signs that look like this:


So I cleaned the front seat, escaped the "nice" man, and told the cats "next one to crap or spew in my car goes out the window". They got the point. My final adventure from the ride down was turnpikes. Did you know the two turnpikes in Oklahoma cost $4? That is ridiculous! I found this out the night before I left and since ATM's don't give you singles and nobody was able to tell me if these were manned turnpikes or if I had to have exact change, I dug out my old quarter jar and started counting. I've been saving change for YEARS now and apparently I have $33 worth or quarters. So I threw all the change in a baggie and set out. Yep, you guessed it, I paid for each turnpike in change (and yes they are manned and yes they do look at you funny when you hand them 16 quarters). I also had to dig out these quarters from a now puke soaked baggie and try and count out 16 while driving. There are several ways I could have planned better.

I arrived to Oklahoma City in 7 hours exactly, with two very pissy but very much alive cats, and one Volkswagen Beetle that no longer smelled like crayons. Day two adventures to come soon.