New Discoveries

I'm learning here in Oklahoma, maybe not so much about the Midwest but more about the real work world. I've been teaching tennis in the summers between school semesters for about eight years. Life teaching at a country club is VERY different from 9 to 5 cubicle jobs. At country clubs the head pro wanders in 3 hours late, the assistant pros don't teach tennis so much as corral kids for their one hour bulk lessons, and we all learn how to kiss member ass. I'm an expert at pretending to be interested and convincing middle aged men that if anyone could make it on the pro tour after age 40 its them. I wore a lot of white, groomed a lot of clay courts, and learned how to teach in 115 degree heat without moving more than 2 steps. It's an art. I however do not know how to sit in front of a computer for 8 hours straight, get used to only having half an office, and go to mindless meetings where people spend more time figuring out the logistics of the next meeting than they do talking about actual topics. It is all so new to me.

The Cubicle
Just the word cubicle clues you into what it really is. Like the icicle or fudgecicle, it's masquerading as a legitimate delight but failing on every level. The cubicle, my cubicle, has only two real walls...the third wall is shared with your neighbor or in my case your supervisors office wall. Nothing about the cubicle screams privacy, everything I say or do for the most part can be seen by the entire office. Now you may ask "what do you NEED to do that cannot be seen by everyone in an office?" Well, little things. I can't stand up and adjust my shirt, I can't pick my wedgie, I can't text my friend telling them I'm bored out of my mind, and I can't surf the Internet. Everything I do is on display. Also, we all fart right? If I'm having a particularly unfortunate day everyone suffers and, with 10 other women in cubicles near me, someone is having a bad day pretty much every day. It just isn't fair, I feel like a penned animal only I don't even have the luxury of a complete pen. I'm a cow that can see freedom but is just too darn stupid to run. Instead of longing for riches, love, or divine inspiration I just aspire to that damn fourth wall. It's the corporate world's way of telling me to set smaller goals.

The Meeting
I've been to many unproductive meetings in my lifetime, it's a true art to conduct a meeting with 5 or more people and stay on task the entire time. I've been to meetings for two hours where we discussed a 50 page grant and I've been to two hour meetings where we talked about business for ten minutes and then spent the remaining 100 listening to stories told by the former infectious disease investigator (you have to track down an individuals sexual partners and tell them to get tested for syphilis etc. It's actually really entertaining because you're usually tracking down crack whores and have to bribe them with fast food to get them to describe their tricks). I went to a meeting last week with representatives from every department to finalize a community survey and determine potential distribution centers. It was funny how a. all the departments had their own quirks, b. the meeting facilitator after about ten minutes of interruptions look like he was contemplating suicide by hot coffee, and c. how even in the corporate world there is always that one person everyone wants to throw sharpened pencils at. I had to try very hard not to laugh. There was even a moment when the epi nerds got up with a 10 foot long chart covered in numbers and tried to explain how it was to be read. They looked insulted when the meeting facilitator suggested they convert their gorgeous chart to a very pretty line/bar graph (public health reference). Such is public health though! In this very meeting as an intern I solved the distribution problem and fixed part of the survey, things these people have been working on for weeks. I don't know if it's beginners luck or if I'm actually learning something in this graduate program of mine.

The Gossip
At the country clubs the gossip was always about members e.g. who is sleeping with who, who the head pro is flirting with, what kind of food the golf assistants get, and why Suzie can hit in her bikini but Bertha isn't allowed. All of this gossip was done in "safe" zones, areas where you knew people couldn't hear you. Here, in cubicle land, everyone can hear you. Why do people gossip? I've learned more shit just by sitting outside my supervisors door (which if you have a door why don't you flipping shut it when you are going to talk shit about someone) than I've heard in the ladies bathroom my short adult life. I even hear people talking about me within eye and ear sight of me. Dude you can see me. Luckily it's all been pretty good stuff (boss telling another gal in the office that we're both "softball" enthusiasts, grant writer telling boss that I'm actually really good at this whole writing thing...boss acting surprised) but seriously I wonder. My boss also gets very clever and lowers her voice when she is really talking the good smack, I just listen harder. Word to the wise, if you throughout most of the day just shout questions at me through your door and I shout answers back I can probably hear you when you are talking to someone else. I know more dirt about people in the building I've never even met than I know about my own family. Watch out for Betty in school health...